That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
