After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
