This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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