I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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