My first STD was from a foam party
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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