I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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