I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
