I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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