i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
