i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
