i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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