DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
