Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
