i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
