College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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