who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
