Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
