I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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