she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
