So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
