We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
