i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
