I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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