I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
