I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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