I accidentally had phone sex last night
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
