I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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