Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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