Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
