His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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