my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
