can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
