Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
