just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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