I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
