Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
