I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's like iHOP with fire
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Someone signed my nipple.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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