After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
