How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
