i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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