she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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