First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
