Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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