angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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