Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
