Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
