I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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