Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
