happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
