i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
